Is the Term “Civil Divorce” an Oxymoron?
Believe it or not, we are seeing more clients who are both convinced that they should not stay married and that they should have a civil divorce.
One primary reason for this trend is that many people nowadays seek therapy, and anyone wise enough to do that develops communication tools that make dialogue with his/spouse easier and less stressful. In addition, keeping anger to a minimum helps in co-parenting, a goal anyone with children should heed under all circumstances.
Another major factor is the growing practice of family lawyers, like us, who use collaborative law and mediation as a major aspect of their practice. So, let us provide some tips to help you create a framework for a civil divorce:
· Make a list of debts and assets
· Be sure both parties have signed on for a civil divorce. It takes two to tango.
· Find lawyers whose practices embrace collaborative law
· Be sure you are both ready to get a divorce. You would be surprised by how many people talk the talk but don’t walk the walk
· Provide ideas for property settlements and/or alimony
· List expenses
· Develop a plan for child custody and visitation
· Keep communication with your spouse open and free of rancor
We don’t want anyone to assume that divorce is ever easy. There are very few simple divorces, and when there are children and money involved, “easy” is not in the cards. But that doesn’t mean it has to be a war.
The bullet points above are the beginnings of a framework – a tool to help develop a game plan that keeps emotions in check and allows both parties to end the marriage and move on with their lives. A good lawyer, a level head, and reasonable expectations can work wonders in reaching a civil, and maybe even friendly, divorce.
