Children and Divorce – Keeping Them Out of the Line of Fire
There is no doubt that divorce takes its toll on the two spouses. But we should all remember that the ripple effects of a marital break-up go far beyond just the two parties involved in the legal proceedings. Friends are impacted, neighbors sometimes, relatives usually, but children always experience the divorce of their parents in profound ways.
One of your responsibilities is to minimize the impact on your kids. And you are going to need help. Friends and family can be of inestimable help. So can clergy. Therapy is another option, and many health plans do offer some sort of assistance in defraying the cost of individual therapy.
Another way to gain insight is to read helpful books written by professionals in the field of child psychology. A new one that seems to be resonating across the country and has been buzzing on the internet is “Keeping Kids out of the Middle,” written by Benjamin Garber, Ph.D., a licensed child psychologist in New Hampshire.
One of the main tenets of the book is to always be mindful that kids get caught in the middle of something over which they have no control. They are sometimes used as spies and/or messengers – a position no child should have to be in. The author suggests practicing what he calls “child-centered parenting,” which focuses on skills that will help your kids to not only cope with your divorce, but also to keep them emotionally and psychologically healthy throughout their lives.
Our law practice also stresses resolving conflict, not only to make the divorce smoother for the parents, but also for the children. Too often kids are left battered and bruised in the process. Books like this and law firms like ours are out there not only to buffet that, but also to actually create positive traction for them. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade!
