That’s a question that can have different answers depending upon who you talk to and which TV networks you watch.

NBC recently aired a report that said divorces are down because of the down economy.  The story theorized that people are staying together for purely financial reasons.

Sounds simple enough.   A story in a Florida newspaper seems to back that up.  Divorce filings in one county are down 18%.  The story noted real estate prices have also dropped 20% in roughly the same time period.  Okay, point proven, right?

Not so fast.  ABC aired a story with a different thesis.  That network’s report claimed divorces are up because economic issues put additional strain on already troubled marriages.

A New York attorney told the network that divorces have spiked 20% in recent months as bad news seemingly hits Wall Street every week.   The story basically said that when financial woes walk in the front door, love walks out the back door.

I can see arguments for both of these diametrically opposite stories.  The bottom line is that money is always an issue in a marriage.  Popular wisdom holds that money is the last thing that couples talk about before they get married, but the first thing they fight about after marriage.

 In a very real sense (especially these days), money will be one of the most important issues in your divorce.  So find a good lawyer, sit down and go over the finances and all the other issues, and figure out together the best path to dissolving your marriage without losing your shirt, financially or emotionally.

Trends come and go.  But divorce is about your life.  Make sure that whatever you do is not a knee jerk reaction to news events.  If you are headed for divorce, make sober decisions based on what you really want, not the latest story you read or watch on television.

October 30th 2008 Posted to General
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It used to be all the rage for couples wanting to dissolve their marriage to hop on a plane and fly to Mexico to get a quickie divorce.  The Mexican government has changed the law and now no one flies to Mexico for a divorce.  The lightning fast divorce country currently in vogue is the Dominican Republic.  But like most things that promise speed, you need to read the fine print and understand the possible pitfalls.

The laws in the Dominican Republic seem clear enough – they waive requirements including residency and waiting periods those seeking divorce, including foreigners.  Only one party need attend the hearing in Santo Domingo, and whoosh, in 24 hours you too can join the legions of the divorced.  The non-attending spouse can sign a special power of attorney form to be represented by a local attorney

The Dominican Republic is a pretty short plane ride away from the East Coast, and close to the US Virgin Islands.  Seems like an ideal solution to those seeking to quickly sever legal ties with a spouse, right?

Not so fast.  First of all, these types of divorces are usually very simple ones, without complications.  If you and your spouse have a decent sized marital estate and you do not agree completely on how it should be divided, going overseas isn’t going to work.

Another problem is that the United States Supreme Court has ruled that all unilateral foreign divorces, where only one party signs the paperwork, are invalid.

Therefore, your best chance of getting a fairly quick divorce is to proceed through collaborative law, mediation, or old-fashioned negotiations.  In this way, you can find common ground and move on with the rest of your post-divorced life, without having to worry that your quickie divorce may not be worth the paper it is written on. 

October 26th 2008 Posted to General, Uncategorized
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Hiring a good attorney in whom you have faith is one way to keep the stress down during the course of a divorce action.  But divorce is a protracted process, and you’ll need more than just a lawyer to get through it as unscathed as possible.

One strategy is to consider mediation rather than confrontation.  We are huge believers in the process known as collaborative law.  Both sides work together to resolve issues, and this approach can simplify matters and create a more harmonious relationship going forward.

But when collaboration or mediation are not the answer, you’ll still need to keep stress at a low simmer point and remain healthy.  Remember, divorce is not a sprint; it’s a marathon.  Below are a few tips to help you go the distance:

- Cook your own food.  It’s a great way to eat healthy.  If you don’t know how to prepare nutritious meals, take a class.  You can meet new people and learn the tricks to flavorful and healthy eating.

- Go to the gym. Many of us have memberships but don’t make time for the gym.  Make the time – you will feel better, not only physically but also emotionally.  Yoga is an excellent choice.

-  Socialize. Get together with old friends or make new ones. Having the ability to bounce ideas off people who care about you is an ideal stress release.

- Have fun. Whether it’s taking a class, going to the gym, or just walking around the neighborhood, divorce is a good time to reset your priorities and create new habits that will make you happy. 

October 23rd 2008 Posted to General
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There is no doubt that divorce takes its toll on the two spouses.  But we should all remember that the ripple effects of a marital break-up go far beyond just the two parties involved in the legal proceedings.  Friends are impacted, neighbors sometimes, relatives usually, but children always experience the divorce of their parents in profound ways.

One of your responsibilities is to minimize the impact on your kids.  And you are going to need help.  Friends and family can be of inestimable help.  So can clergy.  Therapy is another option, and many health plans do offer some sort of assistance in defraying the cost of individual therapy.

Another way to gain insight is to read helpful books written by professionals in the field of child psychology.  A new one that seems to be resonating across the country and has been buzzing on the internet is “Keeping Kids out of the Middle,” written by Benjamin Garber, Ph.D., a licensed child psychologist in New Hampshire.

One of the main tenets of the book is to always be mindful that kids get caught in the middle of something over which they have no control.  They are sometimes used as spies and/or messengers – a position no child should have to be in.  The author suggests practicing what he calls “child-centered parenting,” which focuses on skills that will help your kids to not only cope with your divorce, but also to keep them emotionally and psychologically healthy throughout their lives.

Our law practice also stresses resolving conflict, not only to make the divorce smoother for the parents, but also for the children.  Too often kids are left battered and bruised in the process.   Books like this and law firms like ours are out there not only to buffet that, but also to actually create positive traction for them.  Talk about turning lemons into lemonade! 

October 20th 2008 Posted to Custody and Visitation
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The issue of personal property is one that couples often spend countless hours – and thousands of dollars – arguing over.  Things such as lamps, rugs, even old CDs and baseball cards, seem to have an emotional pull on couples dividing up their assets 

An interesting case decided in Oregon recently concerned which spouse owned frozen embryos that had never been implanted in the wife during the course of the marriage.  Both former spouses were medical professionals, the wife a pediatrician, and her ex-husband an orthodontist.  He wanted to donate the embryos to couples that might want them and she wanted them destroyed.  The couple’s earlier agreement on this issue prevailed, and the embryos were ultimately destroyed.

This personal property case certainly had more emotional issues than deciding who gets the living room lamp, but it does raise some interesting points.  So let’s outline some of the ways to determine the ownership of personal property:

- Personal property owned by you prior to marriage is your separate property and there is no lingering legal question about it. Make sure to identify any such items to your attorney so that they may be identified as your separate property in your stipulation of settlement.

- Gifts to you during your marriage from third parties are likewise your separate property.

- Gifts to you during the marriage from your spouse is marital property and subject to equitable distribution.

- The wife’s engagement ring deserves special mention: it becomes her separate property the moment the parties get married.  However, any other gifts of jewelry from one spouse to the other during the marriage is marital property.

- Property that you accumulate after the date of commencement of the divorce action (when the summons is filed) belongs to you and is not subject to distribution.

When in doubt, ask your attorney. 

October 19th 2008 Posted to Uncategorized
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A recent phenomenon has been for municipalities to put up billboards with faces and names of deadbeat dads who owe child support to ex-wives for the support their children. 

But a recent case in Ohio highlights the fact that nowadays mothers are sometimes the ones responsible for child support, and they don’t always fulfill their responsibilities.

Dawn Newman, who now lives in Greenup, Kentucky, but used to live in Akron, Ohio, pleaded guilty to a single charge of criminal non-support, a felony.  The judge sentenced her to five years of probation and ordered full restitution, in the amount of $13,514.70.

She had gone over four years without making support payments for the care of her children, ages 11 and 13, who live in Ohio with their father.  A tipster saw the billboard and alerted authorities.

It is still the norm across the United States for mothers to retain primary custody of their children when couples divorce.  But nowadays, mothers don’t always seek custody due to work issues or any other number of reasons. And sometimes fathers prevail in custody disputes.

More fathers than ever before have custody of their children. A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that more than half the lawyers surveyed said support payments by women is up over the past five years.

What both former partners need to remember is that child support is not a punishment – it is for raising and caring for your children.  So whatever side of the divide you are on, remember that the welfare of the children always has to be the key concern.  Like most issues, ask your attorney if you have questions.

October 13th 2008 Posted to Finances
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A recent phenomenon is that in more than a few families, wives are out-earning their husbands.  This byproduct of the women’s movement is welcome news to women - who for years may have had the same jobs as men, but were paid lower salaries.

But when those marriages fail, women are now forced to face that aspect of divorce that men have been grousing about for years – spousal maintenance, or more commonly know as “alimony.”

That’s right, even if in a divorce action the wife retains primary custody of the children and therefore receives child support, the wife may have to pay her ex-husband alimony.  Laws are intentionally written to be gender neutral, so both spouses have an equal right to retain the same standard of living after divorce, even when the lower earning spouse is a husband.

For that reason, many more women are opting for pre-nuptial agreements.  The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers recently conducted a survey of family law practitioners and found that 44% of family law attorneys have seen an increase in women asking for pre-nuptial agreements.  In the past, men almost exclusively were the partners who sought a pre-nup.

A recent case that drew some notoriety was that of former Mets baseball star, Art Shamsky.  The ex-outfielder sued his wife Kim for alimony and won.  His former wife was a successful businesswoman and out-earned her husband by a considerable margin.  In the end, she was made to pay her ex thousands of dollars per month in alimony.

She is not alone.  The celebrity world is littered with other examples.  Singers Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson and actress Kirstie Alley - all have been forced to pay alimony to ex husbands who earned far less than they did.

The lessons are clear.  Professional women need to do what their male counterparts have been doing for years now: recognize that marriage is an economic partnership and people should do whatever they can to protect themselves in the event the partnership dissolves.  That means seeing an attorney prior to marriage and have the attorney draw up a pre-nuptial agreement, and, of course, getting her soon-to-be husband to sign it.  It may not sound romantic, but if your marriage doesn’t work out, you might be able to save yourself thousands upon thousands of dollars. 

October 06th 2008 Posted to Finances
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Joint custody or sole custody?  Couples getting divorced need to decide how to best serve their children going forward once the dust settles.  Watching from the sideline – usually with great apprehension – are other interested parties, most often grandparents.

Divorces are dicey affairs and keeping everything straight is difficult enough for anyone, so things like grandparent rights probably won’t be high on your checklist of items to consider.  Maybe it should be.

Even though our society has changed and people don’t live within walking distance of their close relatives, grandparents often feel they have a proprietary right to see their grandchildren and actually go to court to fight for those rights.  Just a check of newspaper stories and the internet will show this phenomenon is growing and case law is piling up in many states around the country.

There is even a national organization, Grandparents Rights Organization (GRO) that stumps for grandparents to share in their grandkids’ lives, through court-ordered intervention at times.  However, experts usually agree that court should be the avenue of last resort.

In New York, grandparents do not have an automatic right to visitation with their grandchildren. When grandparents petition for visitation, the Court undertakes a two-part inquiry: First, it must find that the grandparents have standing based on the death of the grandchild’s parent (usually the grandparents’ child) or other equitable circumstances which permit the court to entertain the petition.  If it concludes that the grandparents have established the right to be heard, then it must determine whether visitation is in the best interest of the child.

The legal niceties aside, in divorce there are sound practical reasons to maintain the good relationship that your children have with their grandparents. Contention with former in-laws doesn’t have to be the norm, and you may very well find allies in them.  Allowing your children to maintain a loving relationship with their grandparents might help them adjust during these difficult times.

Other things to consider:

- Is it fair to your children to be denied visits from the parents of your former spouse?

- Are the kids safe and happy when they are with their grandparents?

- Are you using the children as a weapon against your former spouse?

- Children need family during and after a divorce and grandparents often love their grandchildren unconditionally.

- Visiting with grandparents can give you a much-needed break and the chance to recharge your own battery.  

October 01st 2008 Posted to Custody and Visitation
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